I would like to say I am not in fact dead!
I’m dusting off the spider webs and gently shooing crickets from around this smol blog. Just making a cup of tea and chatting here today.
Mango and cinnamon tea to be specific which 1. Isn’t it ironic that I HATE mango in it’s natural fruity form? But I love it in anything else lol and 2. I’m A CINNAMON MONSTER and IT’S MY SEASON aaand 3. I’ll probably forget about it and it’ll be cold and sad by the time this post is done. We’ll see how it goes!
I disappeared from the face of the actual internet. I’ve ignored my Instagram and my Twitter! Actually I still vehemently ignore Twitter.
But Ioana …WHY?
You’re right. Why???? is the question plaguing all of us I’m so sure you’ve thought about the why all the time I was gone. Day and night too what do you mean you didn’t think of me non-stop. PFTTTTt.
You probably didn’t ask but I’M HERE TO ANSWER.
Which frankly I shouldn’t even be doing I mean why not come back with zero explanations and just puff dramatically like Gandalf like hey I’m back year gone what year there’s no year. WANNA GO ON AN ADVENTURE?
But while that is by far the best way to come back, “I just slipped from the Earth there for a second ha funny story” doesn’t really cut it for me.
Plus I actually sat down an tried to think of the aforementioned WHY?
Because why? My blog was growing so rapidly and my Bookstagram was getting dem likes. The dream of all dreams wasn’t that what I wanted when I started right. So this is me at myself too : IOANA WHY?
Well, to answer myself.
I am a teen. AND I GET OVERWHELMED.
Apparently I didn’t take that into the equation. And I’m hopeless at math.
In real life there’s a reason I don’t talk to more then 10 people daily. Woe is humans even. My parents get ignored regularly and they love complaining about it too. I just…humans make a lizard like me short circuit. I am angsty like that.
I also get tremendously overwhelmed by social media. I don’t have a Snapchat for this very reason (seeing other people living their lives OUTSIDE school is WEIRD). I follow so few peoples on Insta too. In my lowest low weeks mentally – I cannot even open Twitter. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.
The world generally gives me a headache. I am spikey and oh so very dramatic.
Another reason: Bloggers are kinda expected to be…perfect now?
Welcome to gen Z where we do the memes, eat the tide pods and know how to be a vlogger with 1 million subscribers instantly.
Once upon a time, a long time ago in the dinosaur ages bloggers could do a lot of things! They could ramble and talk about their day or write love letters to their new acquired cactus. They could….experiment?
Now I feel the pressure that my blog HAS TO BE PERFECT.
And I know that’s my fault too? I WANT to be funny. I’m a funny gal. I’m a finger guns and fly away with a swoosh of a cape dramatic. I like it like that.
But also in real life if I don’t feel like I’m 100% myself enough to be funny I sometimes don’t talk at all. (see previous argument how I get complaints for ignoring people)
So I guess I just…didn’t talk at all here too?
I also WANT my blog to be pretty. I’m a visual person -> ergo I MAKE PRETTY EVERYTHING. Yes I am that annoying person in artsy group activities that puts in too much effort and that gets praised by the teacher at the end* for doing such a wonderful job. I am annoying like that please stare your daggers at me now.
*it the thing it nor art related then rest assured I will not be putting in any effort. At all. So you can sleep easy knowing I’m not that big of an overachiever or a teacher’s pet because I’M ACTUALLY A HORRIBLE MESS
But by having a following so fast I GOT OVERWHELMED an fell from my chair. The voice of social media said that’s it Ioana you have no room to have fun be silly and fail. There’s a standard and whoops there it goes flying high yes wow look at it go. Isn’t it great it said. NOOOO I screamed, and then did nothing and stressed myself out over it. Like you do.
Thirdly. The third thing. The number 3.
I read a tweet once that said “Bloggers who don’t bloghop – I think you’re stuck up and ungrateful” and I took that to heart. I knew I had to hop on all the blogs ever. And I think that’s what makes me hesitant to return too. Because if I can’t hop on all the blogs now then there’s no point in returning.
But I can’t keep that up. I really really can’t.
I have school. A lot of school. Ok well maybe I hate school so I don’t exactly have that much of it because I don’t care. But I have LIFE. I’m doing other stuff outside of school that I really REALLY like.
Blog =/= Life
And I can’t sacrifice as much free time as I used to on my precious.
– Sorry but I won’t be spending my time searching other blogs constantly. I’m saying sorry because I really mean it : there’s some great content out there. Creative people doing their thing!! AMAZING!!
But I have to take a few steps back. Maybe a nice jog in the polar opposite direction.
– I’ll post LESS. I was already posting little but now it’s even littler then little. Ain’t that dandy.