Hello there wonderful human reading my blog, why don’t you come join me on my kitchen floor while I’m having a wonderful existential crisis?
Between reading all of my friend beans’ blogs (my real life friends not Internet blogger friends (TOUGH I DO CHERISH AND APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN’T SEEN YA’LL FACES!! Internet friendships are valid and you can fight me on this one Susan) and that does make it sound like I have a social life when believe me I do in fact not have one) and preparing to write for the school’s newspaper (#fricken #excited) I started having some deep philosophical questions such as:
Is what I’m writing considered legitimate? Is it even good though? How many dragons can I integrate in an article without it getting TOO weird? Can I write about books for the rest of my life? Will I ever run out of ideas? Should I start writing more personal posts? Will anyone even read about my boring self? Is 2 dragons too many or too little mentions?
Basically pondering life, existence and the legitimacy of me smol smol blog.
So here I am, comfortably lying on the kitchen floor in an uncomfortable lumpy position ( I am trying to blend in with the floor and I think it’s working. My dog is staring intently at me but I think it’s trying to figure out weather I’m alive or just part of the decor now. Joke’s on you dog who’s one with the carpet now.), these questions that I don’t have answers for (though I do think only 2 dragons mentions per article is way too little) for running trough my head.
But the truth is: I do HAVE answers for them. But is anything ever THAT easy?
I DON’T want to post more personal things and I DO absolutely love blogging about books. I put loads of work into all of my posts and that DOES make them real writing.
Well then Ioana, I hear you saying, what are you doing on the kitchen floor imitating a plant that is too lazy to do metamorphosis correctly because that spot is very obviously in the shadows?
Ok 1. Stop questioning my mysterious ways and 2. I think I’m allowed to doubt myself and be sad sometimes. And that’s ok.
I know my blog is a very happy and optimistic little place. And I like it that way. Sure I don’t like every book I read (pfffttt don’t read my Goodreads reviews those are wayyyy to harsh) and I’m not overly sugary sweet but I like being a nice optimistic person most of the time. I think I need a little bit of happiness in my life and if my posts bring anyone a smol smile on their face that’s great!! And don’t get me wrong I am 100% genuine on here: I’m not faking anything, I am genuinely very excited to talk to anyone and I am a terrific fangirl.
But I also have some insecurities so that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.
1. I can say that I don’t think I have a talent when it comes to writing. I don’t like expressing my deepest feelings. I like joking and laughing and expressing my OPINIONS goddamn it! And that makes me sometimes feel…insecure? How can I be a REAL writer when I don’t write what I’m supposed to? I’m not doing NaNo because I don’t think I can (which is stupid and you shouldn’t listen to me and go write your book with confidence).
2. Writing in my first language feels weird. It always does but now I’m forced to write a lot more than the usual essay. I feel like whenever I write in Romanian I lose my “writing” voice. I read so much in English I can’t express myself as well as I’d like in Romanian. I find myself reaching for words that just…aren’t there?
3. Am I ever going to grow tired of writing about books, making tags and lists? Should I be writing more original posts?? About the rain, about autumn, about feelings? But…I don’t think I am original enough for that either. I don’t watch leaves fall and think about the passing of time and the mortality of us all (thank you literature class for making me associate autumn with death it’s very cheerful I am a ray of sunshine). My imagination ran away when I was about 10 and I haven’t seen it since. Will I ever grow out of YA or start feeling unsatisfied by always writing about the same things?
At the end of the day I love my blog and I love writing more than anything. As long as it makes me happy I’m going to do it and nothing can ever stop me (not even a small apocalypse on a far away planet or a small crisis in which I shall contemplate my existence). If I ever feel the need to post something that isn’t book related I WILL (I already post TV show and movie reviews sometimes whenever I actually see one that I like enough to post) so there is no need for me to worry about that.
Ironically enough, these past few days I’ve actually been very inspired to write. And I did and it turned out great and I am proud of myself. So I am ending this on a positive note I guess.
Why did I write this post?? Well I mean…I guess my blog is called Dragon WAFFLES. Yes that waffles part refers to rants sadly and not food…believe me I am disappointed too if I could automatically offer you virtual waffles whenever you read my posts I would. (it’s not called bribing if I’m nice about it right?? riiiigth.)
So yeah….I guess I’m taking the come to the dark I’ve got cookies saying way to seriously now. Thanks for joining me today on my very nice kitchen floor.