Let’s be honest: being a bookworm is a dream! All the conventions, the swag, the tours, the signings! Heaven on Earth right? Well no for you see little pineapple…YOU ARE WRONG!
Being an international bookworm is a struggle. It’s a fight for survival (and official merch because you want to support your favourite author the right way)! The truth is:
NOBODY CARES IF YOU ARE NOT FROM THE U.S.!
Sorry for shouting at you. Here have some warm tea and cookies. I promise I am not that scary. I just have a lot of feelings.
For some of you that didn’t already know: I AM EUROPEAN!
More exactly I’m from Romania! Yes I’m a russian speaking vampire. You’re welcome. (psst the russian part is a lie nobody here actually speaks russian -except our grandparents…ok so maybe SOME people speak russian but it’s rare. The vampire part is totally true. Can’t deny the truth.)
I use an extra vowel in “flavour” just to be dramatic, temperature is OBVIOUSLY measured in Celsius and I post things in the middle of the night- because say hello to time-zones. You see? EUROPEAN.
Now while that’s all good and dandy there is one thing that isn’t all glitter rainbows and sunshine. And that is: BOOKWORMING!
(That’s a word right?? That’s totally a word. I say it’s a word!)
While we all know that being a bookworm is a full time (including extra unpaid hours may I add) job, it gets considerably harder to do it if you’re outside the US. And here I am to tell you all why! (Howdy aren’t you glad I am your illustrious guide!)
Here are 10 STRUGGLES INTERNATIONAL BOOKWORMS FACE OH SO BRAVELY
And no I’m not talking about the cutesy one from the books. I am talking about the monstrous one that you have to pay by selling your dog and half your house.
I just LOVE it when I finish adding books in my cart and when it’s time to confirm the order the price just…doubles…That number is mocking me like: HAHAAA you wanted to buy 2 books because they were on sale? WELL GUESS WHAT now you have to pay for another 568 books equivalent in shipping you nugget!!….better buy those 100 books so you can MAYBEE get free shipping…either way you struck a deal with the devil, sold your soul, cried a little AND made a mess.
In case your wallet hasn’t transformed yet into a permanent Howler boy you’re doing it wrong.
Hahaha…whaat are those? Never heard of them….Can you eat them?
LOOK, WE GET NONE HERE SARAH! NONE!!! Nie. Niet. Nada. ZERO!
It’s like organizers think the rest of the world outside the US is a mythical place that is probably just an urban legend meant to scare the children. Do we scare you America? Are we that scary? DO I LOOK LIKE NARNIA TO YOU AMERICA? HUH?? WELL NO I DON’T BECAUSE IF I DID I WOULD BE EATING TURKISH DELIGHT RIGHT NOW AND LET ME TELL YOU THERE IS A DISAPPOINTING LACK OF TURKISH DELIGHT IN THIS HOUSE.
I swear I don’t want to steal your hot dogs and eagle! I’m vegetarian! Honest! Could you please just…share…a bit of those nice book convention with us? Pretty pleaseee?? I won’t bite! I JUST WANT AN ARC! A SMALL ONE!! You have loaads you could give me at least one!!
I am suffering over here alone, drowning my sorrows in ice cream while you all post vlogs from panels and parties and I am SAAAAD!
Oh so you’ve decided you want to support your favorite authors or talented bean with an etsy by buying merch? THAT’S GREAT! Look at you having a strong moral compass GOOD FOR YOU!
….Wait you were actually serious?? Oh no nononoo no sweety you CANNOT do that.
You just support authors FROM A DISTANCE! FOOL PROOF PLAN I TELL YA! Everybody knows that you silly pineapple! You can’t buy merch in stores! That would be RIDICULOUS!
(If you insist you COULD buy 100 of copies of their book and build yourself a house out of them…THAT should generally do it. Authors love it when you do that.)
.…Of course whenever you DO find merch you buy as much as you can and RUN OK YOU HEAR ME!! It’s always good to be sure so just grab one of everything. Harry Potter shirts? YES! Pajamas? SURE! Socks? OK! This weird looking pen? Um..ye? A weird can opener that is way too expensive and you know you never open cans? Uhhh. BUT IT HAS YOU HOGWARTS HOUSE ON IT! JUST TAKE MY MONEY!
Yeah your wallet might still end up screaming endlessly after that but HEY AT LEAST YOU DIDN’T PAY FOR SHIPPING!
4. MEETING YOUR FAVOURITE AUTHOR
Or any author for that matter. Guess what? NOPE. Nu-uh. Authors are rare zebras that can only be witnessed in America (and occasionally London) in the wilderness (does this analogy even make sense? probably not but I take my chances). Never near you because that would be too convenient!
If they ever DO come to Europe because of some astral alignment they usually just flip turn avoiding my country completely. WHO thought it was a good idea to go to every country BUT mine?
I am a broke underage teenager… SURE thing just watch me hop on a train on this wonderful sunny school day and travel through 3 countries and 5 galaxies to the nearest place where I can meet my favourite author! I’m sure my parents would be totally on board! They would even pay for my train ticket!!
I feel content with knowing that at some point I shared a continent with some of my favorite authors. I am sharing a continent with J. K. Rowling at this very moment. Counting the small blessings.
Why do publishers think this is a good idea ever?? Also: UK publishers: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I swear their meetings go something like this:
Uk publishers: Aw this american cover is cute and represents the story completely.
Me: Don’t do it….
Uk publishers: HOW ABOUT WE CHANGE IT TO SOME GENERIC PERSON WITH BAD PHOTOSHOP!
Me: Oh my GOD!
Uk publishers: Make sure it shows the faces of the models too! Because readers can’t possibly imagine how the characters look like! We must help their small brains!
The whole universe: …
I mean…Poor Rick Riordan books got the worst end of the horrible desingn stick. LOOK AT THIS:
And oh it doesn’t stop there! Nope there are other tragic ones:
6. BOOKSHOPS and LIBRARIES
(which I cannot spell apparently. why do I always end up spelling is like liebebeberies or something? a true mystery that is. Back to the subject.)
I just love it when I see #supportsmalllbookshopsday trending or something along those lines. “Support small businesses” they say. “Buy locally” they said. “There probably ISN’T A SMALL BOOKSHOP IN YOUR WHOLE COUNTRY AND/OR GALAXY” they did not say.
The only actual spot where I can buy books in the real world is the only chain bookshop in my whole country. Yey. And the books there are terribly expensive. And I only have one kidney left after the whole shipping debacle Susan give me a break.
As I said: I AM A BROKE TEENAGER. I have to ask my parents for money every single time I purchase water. And they certainly wouldn’t be happy to buy books in English at full price – which is sometimes almost DOUBLE the price of a book in Romanian.
And the libraries here ALSO do not have the books that interest me.
List of things that my library DOESN’T KNOW EXIST:
- Newest YA releases
- YA releases in English generally
- Graphic novels
- Things Ioana likes
List of things that DO exist
OH that special feeling when a giveaway tweet says “INTL”! BLESS THOSE PEOPLE!
Publishers, you do realize making giveaways US only it’s very alienating for people that live outside the US and Canada right? THERE ARE LOADS of bookworms that would be INCREDIBLY HAPPY to be able to enter! It’s not such a big deal to open it up for everybody!
For example: Book Depository ships almost EVERYWHERE!! (I am lucky enough to be in one of the countries it DOES ship to…not WELL because my order comes over several weeks and it does forget I even paid for books in the first place…I’ve had to email them SEVERAL times and believe me it wasn’t FUN…but at least IT DOES SHIP SOMEWHAT)
BUT NOOOOO instead we’re just left here to cry in our baguettes and macaroons and occasionally Vegemite. Because we NEVER get preorder swag or amazing limited editions or any other awesome and cool stuff. You American peeps could be getting dragon eggs and hatching them like a Khaleesi and we’re over here awkwardly waving our croissants at you.
(and yes I am aware that most of the things I listed are french but I am in fact very hungry while typing this)
Ok so I miiiiiiight be a little bit dramatic (it’s been said by many times on numerous world that I am a tad of a drama queen but of course it’s up to interpretation).
But not all is dark and full of terrors here in Not-USA-World!
Look at the bright part: Most of us can speak 2 languages so we have DOUBLE the reading material! Except you Aussies…but you do have your own YA that is an entirely genre on it’s own and is probably mysterious and quirky and I’VE NEVER READ IT BEFORE (pls I want to). It sound great though Australia you keep being you boo-boo! Watch out for the kangaroos beautiful people!!
I would love to have all the awesome things that America has but alas I am pretty happy at the moment with my horrendously beautiful bookshelf! Me and my babies are very happy together yes!